Baby Talk
Kids.
That's one hell of a tough subject.
I've always wanted kids. I've always seen myself as a mother, preferably of two children, and I always thought I'd be good. I love watching TV shows like 16 & Pregnant, or teen moms on Youtube. Being a mother fascinates me. The pride you get from raising tiny humans into this world, and the unconditional love you get back from them. Maybe they say mean things as teenagers. And they insult you, just like I did with my mom. But love is always behind it, and yeah, moms shed tears, but moms know it.
But I could never be a mother. I'm selfish, childish, immature. I can't even take care of myself. I'm the worst cook, so I could never cook for them. I'm the worst driver, and I'd probably kill them in a car accident. I'm always distracted, so I'd lose one of them somewhere. I'm a hypochondriac, so I wouldn't be able to take care of sick babies. I couldn't even babysit my nephew without almost poisoning him by wiping food off his face with a baby wipe.
I'm a twenty-four-year-old college student living at her parents' house. I work in a boutique, which means I couldn't even provide for my children's needs. I have no money, no future, no partner.
And that's another problem on its own.
Partnership.
So I've had sex ed. I know how babies are made. The birds and the bees—all that jazz. And while you can have sex and make babies without being in a relationship, I strongly believe that children should have two parents. Two moms. Two dads. A mom and a dad. But two people, so one can take over when the other can't. So the children never lack attention and love, because children should never lack anything. They are everything.
But who would ever want to be in a relationship with me? I'm not girlfriend material. I have nothing. I am nothing.
Therefore, I will never be a mom. And that really fucking sucks.
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